Change The Pattern....
It was another dark night, without stars, where the moon was having a sneak peek inside the room. The room got darker due to a power cut. Chiara was gazing at the ceiling in candle light while Nia was cooking something in that rustic ambience. Chiara was from Italy and came to India to have job training in a school, Rishikul World Academy, where Nia worked as a coordinator. It was just a friendship of 45 days.
Chiara had to leave for her country the next day. Extending their conversation on relationships, Nia asked her, “Why do I suffer in all my relationships?”
While turning her face towards Nia, Chiara sighed and asserted, “You are a beautiful and naïve soul. It’s just, you repeat the same pattern time and again that causes dire suffering. So, baby, you need to think about changing the pattern.”
This conversation didn’t last for long. Still, Nia got the key that night.
But, you know what, finding a key doesn’t give a solution if we don’t try to open the door of our heart and soul, which otherwise lie in a dormant state.
Can you imagine how long it took for Nia to open that door of salvation? Almost three years.
Three years back, Nia got trapped in the prison of falling in so-called worldly love with any man, one after another. She used to attract this sort of relationships in a way that before falling out of one affair, another man was there to shoulder. Therefore, she would find solace in someone else’s arm.
The problem of charming and attractive personalities, like Nia, is that they get into short term companionship without giving a second thought to what will happen if they don’t match in terms of personalities, goals, needs, wants and other expectations from their lives. Immediately after leaving one person, they are again ready to play cupid. Not like me, who starts writing because they are never proposed by someone. We are too shy to open their heart out in front of their crush. They get ample time to focus on their goals.
So, unlike me, Nia was a lucky girl to whom so-called love would effortlessly be available. The concern was only the quality of love. The saying goes, “We attract who we are.” Likewise, Nia was always fascinated about someone who was half dead like her.
Nia was never concerned about the future. She just wanted to have fun at present. Her philosophy was, “Live your life today who has seen tomorrow.” She would recklessly start moving with someone towards whom she felt attracted. And she would stretch her relationship for years and years till its last breath. She never thought of the consequences of being in a miserable state, the end result. She liked someone at first sight. She proposed to him within few days. She would desperately love the person till the end. She would want to hold him inside her fist. She would entangle herself by the fear that sooner or later, the person would leave her as everyone has done the same. She would become dicey about her partner while the partner would start behaving in the same way as she perceived. The story would end with lamenting and carping against each other. She would stand with empty hands, teary eyes, boggled mind, shreddy soul while staring at someone who was bound to leave her due to his incapability of understanding her madness.
The person would slip like sand from her hands. The irony is, she always satiated her ego while saying, “I am leaving you. You can’t do that. I will do that. “How could someone leave her? Before that, she would rip her love apart while boosting her ego.
Did you get the pattern now? Is this the same pattern you have ever followed in your life? Being in the chain of multiple relationships goes like this only.
Hereafter, Chiara’s assertion comes into the picture,’ Change the pattern.’ Otherwise, a similar motif would bear the same fruit.
Let’s discuss few steps here to break this chain.
First step:
Do not let a newbie immediately enter into the game as the oldie exits your premises.
Second step:
Take the onus of your mental, physical and spiritual health on your shoulders that the healing should start from inside. Always know, the external materialistic world would not heal us.
Third Step:
Sit back. Look at yourself. Listen to that intuitive inner voice. Observe your personality and deeds. Have an insight into your true being.
Fourth Step:
Be a little bit pragmatic this time. One cannot build a worldly relationship in an imaginary dreamy world. To initiate and sustain this lovey-dovey mundane world, the cupid angels hardly come to assist you. You need to start it while keeping your needs, expectations, goals, common traits you want to match with your partner and other criteria, which will matter in future. Don’t entertain yourself at present. Think of the future as well.
Fifth step:
Start focusing on yourself. Make yourself busy with your goals. The people come along with your journey. They come, tread and go. Only one person will stay with you. You, yourself. Just be faithful to that person, you see in the mirror.
Sixth Step:
Complete yourself first. A half being would always attract a half being. When both are incomplete, we can never complete each other. Moreover, missing this wholeness would create a void that would tear your soul apart eventually; both tattered souls would get separated without even knowing the reason and clarifying the causes. As we part, it’s not our present, which makes us miserable; it’s those memories, which get accumulated during the course. We listen to a song, and we cry. We watch a movie, and we sob. We see a couple doing something we used to do, and we wail. We go to the places we used to visit together, and we get haunted. We recall our days, and then we get depressed. Wow! Then we think about why we fell without keeping the future in our mind. Unconsciously built relationships lead to an unknown path of hatred with broken hearts.
So, my dear friends, though, Nia, the character of my story have started working in the same way it will take time to heal the wounds incurred with her past experiences. However, I am hopeful that this time she would get the real companion as she has started striving to know herself, her wish, her choice of a true friend. I am happy as she no longer wears her heart in her sleeve that drools and slips instantly after touching a new skin. This blog is dedicated to all Nias out there. May God bless every Nia so that she can get herself back before finding the truest form of Divine love and compassion.